Australia - It's a Puzzle!

Such an amazing place is Australia. My recent visit took me to New South Wales - a wonderful mixture of scenery. The mountains meet the sea in a spectacularly lush landscape rich with flora and fauna. Australia in NSW can't seem to decide whether it wants to be a forest or a desert. Huge sand dunes stretch for miles between the deep blue sea and lush vegetation. They actually offer camel rides through those dunes!

The people I came across in my travels were unfailingly friendly. They were patient with the inability of my Southern ear to comprehend much of what they said and cheerfully repeated and repeated again until I finally understood. Although the restaurant portions were as generous as anywhere I have been, there were surprisingly few overweight Australians. (There were, however, lots of barefoot ones - even in the shopping malls!)

Their good nature does seem to include a certain amount of tolerance toward a rather intrusive government. Australians are required to vote under threat of fines. An interesting concept but one that in reality pretty much guarantees both apathy and the devaluing of the privilege. We complain about voter apathy here but I think I would really prefer that lackluster voters stay at home on election day. Are we not more likely to sell what we don't value to the highest bidder? Or just blindly mark our ballots to avoid the fine? Many people have died ensuring our right to the franchise but I suspect they would also include the freedom NOT to vote.

While I was there, the Australian government decided that their citizens were using entirely too much regular unleaded gas and announced a plan to eliminate that choice in favor of either ethanol or premium unleaded at the gas pumps. Oh, and by the way, they were also raising the price of ethanol by three cents at the same time. Much more expensive and not really good for your car? Tough.

But the piece de resistance was a little poster I noticed in my sister-in-law's house. She found it amusing and hung it on the inside of the bathroom door for light reading. Called "One Minute on Your Motions" and published by the NSW Digestive Nurses Association it offered (I kid you not) instructions on how to properly poop. Is it really so complicated?

One is instructed to sit leaning forward with a straight back, elbows on knees and feet on a small wooden stool. Under the title "Go" we are directed to "Without straining, relax and widen the back passage. Do not hold your breath." The back passage?

Under "Finish" you are instructed to "draw up the back passage firmly." Finally under a very bold "DANGER" we are informed that "Regular straining leads to hemmorhoids, prolapse and leaking from the bladder and bowel." My goodness, I never knew the potty was fraught with such peril. The cartoon with it was really cute, though.

I'm sorry I didn't make a copy. I don't have anything nearly so interesting to read in my bathroom.